Strangers

There’s no better feeling than momentum and after the positive feedback following the debut of my written interview series in the Journal I got really excited to plan out what the next few would look like. Scrolling through my contacts on various platforms I started to create a list when a sudden realisation brought my momentum to a screeching halt. The realisation was that this list will come to an end at some point and I’ll have to figure out what to do to keep this segment going. At some point I’m going to have to reach out to strangers and request a small amount of their time to answer my questions, a terrifying thought for an awkward introvert like myself.

As I pondered on this challenge it reminded me of the many times I’d been on the other end of this through people reaching out to me for podcasts, interviews and this one random guy that just wanted to catch up for lunch. That random guy’s name is Nick Bendel. He’s a writer, speaker and a small business owner who’s currently on lunch #289 of his mission to have 500 lunches with 500 strangers over the span of 5 years. What better person to talk to about my predicament!

I have a lot of respect for what Nick is doing, not only because it’s a difficult thing for someone like me to imagine, but the purpose for why he’s pursuing this is rooted in networking, learning and sharing stories which in my opinion is a very noble approach considering the modern version of this is LinkedIn, Podcasts and YouTube. Having a more personal element enriches the connections he’s able to have and I think when he comes to the end of the 500 lunches he’s going to have an incredible story to share for himself.

There’s a lot to take away from my conversation with Nick but knowing he has a lot of the same social tendencies as me provides a bit of hope that I’ll be able to gain the confidence to start searching outside of my network to find people to interview. He mentions the importance of maintaining meaningful relationships as time goes on which goes hand in hand with a quote I heard recently from Naval Ravikant where he says “If you’re not going to work with someone for a lifetime you should consider if it’s worth working with them for a day”. The relationships we create, whether it be through business or in life are vital in helping us navigate all of the challenges that are thrown at us and it’s important to remember that those connections go both ways and Nick has his own take on the sentiment above that I think everyone should hear.

“Look for ways to add value to the people you meet and don't keep score.”

Brett - The first question is a bit of a table setter. Who is Nick Bendel and why is he having 500 lunches with complete strangers?

Nick - I'm someone who is very curious about the outside world – I enjoy learning new things and broadening my horizons. I believe in ongoing self-improvement, because the feeling of always making progress is very satisfying.

There are five main reasons I decided to have lunch with 500 strangers.

First, I wanted to improve my social skills. Second, I wanted to strengthen my mindset. Third, I wanted to meet interesting people and have interesting conversations. Fourth, I wanted to build an amazing network. Fifth, I wanted to attract more opportunity into my life.

Brett - I think it's an amazing project to undertake and one that can bring so much to you and everyone involved. I'll touch more on that in a bit but there's something that sticks out to me which is a slight motivator for wanting to interview you. I started this journal to share my thoughts and experiences and the writing is an area I enjoy and find pleasure in but as I think about what I really want these interview pieces to look like I've found myself at a bit of a impasse. The situation is this. I've written down a few people close to me that I want to interview but my immediate circle has a finite number of characters and the thought of reaching beyond that is something I find intimidating. As you're approaching lunch number 300 out of 500 lunches with strangers, what have you learnt about the process of reaching out and engaging with complete strangers and getting them to participate in your project?

Nick - I contact almost all my strangers via LinkedIn. Most of the people I invite to lunch never reply – in other words, most people reject my invitations. However, I never take that personally, because while someone needs multiple things to fall into place to say yes, they need only one reason to say no.

I've discovered the people who say yes tend to be more positive, proactive and open-minded than the average person. In other words, I end up filtering out the lower-quality people and filtering in the higher-quality people. I've also discovered that the people who say yes tend to be very impressed by the fact I would contact a stranger, and see it as a sign of courage and leadership.

Brett - It's definitely an interesting outcome that I don't think I would have necessarily expected. Originally I would have thought your mindset would be around conditioning yourself to be okay with people saying 'no' (which still seems like a part of it) but it sounds like you see the positives and value in the people who do agree to the lunches and that probably adds to the overall substance in what you're doing with this whole project. That's definitely a more productive way of looking at it that will certainly help me get the confidence to reach out to a few strangers!

Looking at your five reasons to undertake such a big project would you say all of those needs are being met and what has maybe surprised you the most with what it's added to your life?

Nick - Yes, all five things I was hoping for have occurred. I've become better at socialising; I've become more proactive, determined and resilient; I've met a lot of extraordinary people; I've built an amazing network; and I've enjoyed opportunities that never would've come my way if not for all my lunches. The biggest surprise has been how much I've enjoyed introducing different lunch companions to each other. Sometimes, somebody will mention that they want to achieve a certain goal or solve a particular problem, and I can then help that person by introducing them to someone I've previously had lunch with. For example, when Julie Watson asked me last year if I knew an inspiring person who could participate in one of her leadership panel discussions, I was able to recommend you. Playing matchmaker and helping people out has been one of the surprise pleasures of my #500lunches project.

Brett - I’m sure if it ticked just one of those boxes you would consider it a success but the fact that it's doing much more than that not only for you, but for other people makes it so much more impactful. I'm guessing it would be difficult to narrow down all of the things you've learned just based on the sheer volume of conversations you've had so far and I initially didn't want to ask the "what's your top three?" question so I'll try to change the approach a bit. What's the most important thing you've learned through this entire process for yourself and is that something you would hope people following your journey would learn or is there a different lesson you'd hope someone else would take away?

Nick - The most important lesson I've learned is the value of building – and nuturing – networks. The stronger your network, the more happiness and success you'll enjoy. I'm reminded of a great quote from Robert Kiyosaki: "The richest people in the world look for and build networks; everyone else looks for work." As I've built more relationships, I've attracted more opportunity into my life.

At the same time, you need to nurture the relationships, otherwise they'll wither and die. The way to do that is to maintain contact with the people you meet and to give without any expectation of getting anything in return. That way, the people in your network will realise you genuinely care. Sometimes, I will ask someone in my network for a favour, and they will almost always say yes, because they know I've already given out much more in return and will continue to do so.

So the lesson I'd like people to take away is to embrace relationship-building. Build a network. Look for ways to add value to the people you meet and don't keep score.

Brett - I couldn't agree more and I think that quote ties it all together very nicely. The last thing I wanted to finish up on is what happens after the 500th lunch? There's obviously so much of your identity tied up in this project and I wonder how you'll respond when it's finished? I'm sure some people may think you'll be relieved that it's done but there's a part of me that thinks you'll just keep having lunches.

Nick - When I reach 500 lunches, I'm sure I'll feel a great sense of achievement. I'm also sure I'll keep going – but in a less regimented fashion. Right now, I aim to do two lunches per week, but once I hit the 500 lunches milestone, I suspect I'll cut back to an average of one lunch per week and have lunches whenever the urge strikes, rather than according to a schedule.

You can follow Nick’s journey through the website he’s created for his #500lunches project but to learn more about him and the great work he does he has his own website with everything you may need to get in touch. Alternatively you could sit tight and he may contact you for lunch one of these days.