Sharks

Publishing this piece here is probably well overdue but I wanted to put something on here that describes my feelings towards sharks and how I’ve personally come to terms with what happened, along with my relationship with them today. It’s understandable that one of the most common things that’s brought up when I talk to people about my experience is the awe that people have in my decision to go back in the water after everything I’ve been through. To fully comprehend my motivations in this it’s important to examine two sides of fear that need to be addressed when it comes to overcoming them.

The first is the logical notions that go along with whatever fear it is. For me, I’ve always known the risks of going in the water and have accepted the consequences that go alongside that. The reality is that experiencing a shark attack is incredibly uncommon and despite being one of the ‘unlucky’ ones, my relationship with the odds of being attacked by a shark remain unchanged. I have a deep respect for sharks and think they are one of the most misunderstood animals on our planet which may come as a surprise if you’ve heard the way I describe the attack but the fearful images and emotions of those moments are all pieces that contribute to my admiration for how good sharks are at what they do. I always knew that a big part of my healing would come from educating myself on sharks so I could understand them a bit more and see not only the attack, but their existence from their point of view. This education was done through reading, listening to and meeting people who study these incredible creatures and could help me look at the attack through a more logical and objective lens.

Using logic is, for a lack of a better word, the logical way to approach the fear of sharks when contemplating a return to the ocean. You look at the statistics and there are plenty of other things that you should be more afraid of and while this point of view helped me get back on a surfboard only months after the attack, there always remained a relative feeling of unease which is an understandable response. The human brain and how it experiences and processes trauma is a complex and fickle system that tends to override logic in many cases. I made a decision that in order to completely overcome this fear, I needed to come face to face with a shark once more.

This approach is not always recommended and I definitely wouldn’t say it’s for everyone but I wanted to not only show myself that I could overcome this fear, but I wanted to use it as a way of taking the ‘scary shark’ narrative into my own hands so people could hopefully see them with the respectful awe as I do today. It took a few attempts and surrounding myself with the right people that I trusted to be able to actually do this. As we progressed from swimming with local Grey Nurse Sharks to the Galapagos Sand Sharks I became to feel more at ease in the water with them and once that barrier of fear dropped I began to be able to really appreciate the beauty of this creature. I’m not saying that everyone needs to go and swim with sharks to understand them but it definitely helps being on their level, seeing them move gracefully through the water rather than being stuck on top of the water wondering what lies beneath.

Sharks will always be terrifying to people and I know I’ll never convince everyone of their beauty but I hope the images and videos I have swimming with them will help. I know that these sharks weren’t exactly the same as the one I met back in March 2016 but at the very least I know this process was pivotal in helping me heal and come to terms with my own experience so I can continue spending time in the place I love the most.